The Whales

I am watching the Humpback whales again. Wishing I could feel their ecstasy, thinking that if I jump into the water with a great splash over and over again, I might find my joy.

I watch the humpbacks leap out of the ocean, rushing forward and upward, reaching to the sky as if the clouds might be another ocean, as if they want to experience the world above the sea to feel the rush of something new and see them twisting, turning, and slamming the full weight of their immense bodies back into the sea, creating a splash that can be seen from miles away. I wonder how does it feel when they surface? Does the air wash over their skin, tickling and awakening their senses? Do they long to break through the boundaries and limitations of the marine world? Do they even have a concept of boundaries? It seems that somehow they must because push to cross those boundaries, leaping higher and higher or beaching themselves on the sand.

How beautiful and graceful is the dark arc of their bodies as they surface and submerge, so slow and fluid is the motion of their tail and flukes disappearing beneath the waves. I am reminded of yoga and reminded and surprised at how little I really know. I have watched them since January but have done almost no research. How tired I have felt. My heart often aches and I sob without knowing why.

I have seen four this afternoon as I explore the trails at the end of Old Coastguard Road. I believe the Hawaiian waters are the training grounds for baby humpback whales during the winter season. It seems they are always in pairs of mother and baby. Hawaii is a place for mothers and babies. The female spirit and the power of the earth mother is strong here. The island itself is in a constant state of birth. The goddess Pele shakes and bellows sending earthquake tremors and lava flows. Hawaiian women are strong and nurturing.

I realize I need to find joy again. It feels as if there is a lid on my emotions. I feel that I have lost my self.

Each time that I have watched the whales many times since I wrote this journal entry, and I have felt their power and have questioned my place in their world, our world. I thank them for showing me there is joy in just being alive, in embracing life as we cross boundaries, as we surge forward into the unknown without judgement, without fear, as we teach our own babies to embrace life in this way, with joy.

Enlightenment

I've realized the first step in a makeover of the self is embracing the power of love and joy. I have felt so lost on this journey. Much of the time I have spent on the Big Island of Hawaii has been spent in depression or illness or a state of limbo-malaise. It made no sense to me. Here I am in this beautiful place full of opportunities for adventure and joy and yet I felt as if I couldn't move or breathe. The breathing part was actually kind of literal because I am very sensitive and allergic to the Vog (volcanic smog). When levels are low and unnoticeable for everyone else, I'm sucking on Albuterol and rubbing my back where the muscles have tensed up sending shooting pain into my body.

After several months of feeling as if I have been sucked into a void, the purpose of my journey has been revealed to me. Each new encounter that I have had on the island kept reinforcing the concept of spiritual journey, spiritual enlightenment.

Our first encounter was with a large Hawaiian/Haole family that pushed me to take a look at our own family dynamics as well as the power of indigenous pride. Our second encounter brought us into Sankirton Das's world of Bhakti Yoga, the divine worship of Krsna, and organic farming. At Punalu'u Black Sand beach, one of my favorite beaches because of the shining ebony sand and basking sea turtles, I met a woman named Maile who later witnessed to me about her experiences as a new Christian and Seventh Day Adventist. In my fourth encounter I came face to face with the ugly side of ambition under the guise of environmental morality as well as the beauty of acupuncture and activism motivated by selfless love of the earth. In their ecstasy the magnificent humpback whales became my fifth encounter on the spiritual path when we first camped at Mahukona beach park before moving into a rental in Hawi. Once in Hawi, I signed up for yoga classes which, though not new to me, continue to bring me closer to spiritual and self awareness. In one of the poorest and wildest regions as well as my favorite region of the island, Ka'u, I met Sandra from Uganda. She is number seven and brought me into the clearest realization of my spirit. This week I have experienced my eighth encounter, or eighth step on the road to enlightenment: my daughters preschool teacher offered me divine light to help ease my troubles. I had no idea what it was, but I thought, "Why not. What could it hurt."

Each of these encounters is a story in and of itself.  I could start at number one, but I think I will begin with the whales since they taught me about joy. After that I will return to the beginning of my journey, and post some of my journal entries. This journey actually started before I left Alpine, Texas. Journeys of the heart and soul can begin anywhere and often begin before we are aware we have set forth.

Craig's List

We're coming to the end of our first month here in windy Waimea. My allergies and asthma have been relentless. Mark and I have been operating on a new system that in a lot ways I really like. Mark is now doing daddy-daycare. I do my work for the Waimea Ocean Film Festival. Some days that means making cold calls to large corporations trying to sell them on the idea of sponsoring our festival. Sometimes I feel like I am shouting from the top of a mountain peak with my voice rushing away on the wind, sometimes echoing back to me. I was "hired" to write and layout a program guide for the festival, but this is a small operation in its first official year so I do lots of things. This week is supposed to be about writing again. Maybe writing this blog piece will get me in the flow. Maybe I am just procrastinating.

Craig's List got us over here to the Big Island. For some reason, Mark hinged the flip of the coin on an email friendship he'd developed with a family on the Big Island. He had answered a Craig's List advertisement for a handyman in the hope of finding a work for rent situation. The funny thing is a month later we have ended up in a work for rent situation that came out of Craig's List, but it's me that's working. To be continued . . . .

Lost in the Woods: A New Journey

What is living on the Big Island?

It's the goosebumps I feel when I hear a popping noise, see a glow, and all the lights in the town go out.  It's the bright orange hibiscus flower my daughter dropped in a tall glass. It's the confusion of thinking that my teenage son was rattling windows and slamming doors with his youthful energy and frustration and finding out it was a 4.7 level earthquake. It's knowing that paradise is really a bubbling, volcanic cauldron joining hands with the ring of fire, and that I am living on top of it. It's walking in the bright sunshine and being amazed that the temperature is absolutely perfect.

Lost in the Woods: A New Journey

I may change this blog altogether. Many of my friends have been bugging me to post pictures and write about my experiences on the Big Island of Hawaii. We just relocated to the Big Island about a month ago, and we have had plenty of adventures since.

I haven't wanted to write about my experience because they weren't the blissful paradise stuff that everybody is hoping to experience vicariously through the blog. And, really, the Big Island is just one leg of our journey. I think I will have to write some back story in order for anyone to grasp where I am at mentally and emotionally in this "journey."

Today, tonight, at this moment I am living in Waimea, Hawaii, also known to the US Postal service as Kamuela. Waimea is in the north central part of the island--a little closer to the leeward Kona side (I think by 5 miles). If you parachuted from an airplane in hopes of landing on tropical Hawaii, you'd probably think the compass had gone bonkers and had actually dropped you in Germany or New Zealand or Pennsylvania even but not Hawaii with flower leis and ukuleles. You'd be damp with cool mist and all around you'd see large verdant hills dotted with black, white, and brown cows. Then you'd get hungry, so you'd start walking to find some mangoes or papaya (you might find an avacadoes or oranges) and instead you'd find McDonalds and Burger King and a great place to get steaks called Paniolos, which means cowboys in Hawaiian. Yeah, this is Big Island ranch country up here next to Mauna Kea, which is perplexing by the way. Mauna Kea is this huge 14,000 ft mountain saddled by Keck Observatory but it looks like a very large sloping hill, not as sloping as Mauna Loa, but definitely nothing like the peaks of Mt. Hood or Rainier.

Evidently, because of Waimea's proximity to Mauna Kea and how the trade winds blow, it is often cool, windy, and damp. If you like a surreal, tidy green landscape, Waimea is beautiful. And as a town goes, its a bit plain but quaint, clean, safe, has a nice park for the kids, and plenty of family oriented activities. It's one of the wealthier towns of the Big Island, so you don't really get the island flavor like Hilo. It's a nice town with two good coffee shops, Waimea Coffee and Starbucks, and a great albeit expensive burger joint called Village Burger that uses local Hawaiian Beef and veggies. They have a veggie burger called the Taro Burger made with taro a starchy root native to the Big Island that was once a staple. Overall, my first impression of Waimea when we drove through the first time hasn't changed after living here for two weeks: I see rectangles and squares.

So, why are we here? I responded to an ad in Craig's List and got a job or rather a full-time "situation" for a couple of months. I am working for a non-profit film festival and instead of a paycheck we get to live in a nice, centrally located, 3 bedroom, furnished house, with a great yard and utilities. And, the VOG from Kiluea and its vents doesn't usually come up to Waimea. Unfortunately, all kinds of pollens and molds do. My allergies have been practically feverish since I've been here. I'm half-miserable more than half of the time. Even as we speak, I sniffle and rub.

Luckily, dry air and sea air are only minutes away. Spencer State Park is the quickest, easiest beach to get to from our house. I love the state parks here. They're  free and most have easy access to beaches or ocean swimming. Spencer is perfect for families. The beach is sandy and the waters are protected from the wind and strong currents by reefs and the shape of the land making the swimming area nice and relaxing. Today I saw a couple of guys come out of the water with about 10 fish that they had caught spear fishing near the rocky reef areas. These areas are also great for snorkeling. The park has many picnic tables and a nice covered pavilion that looks out onto the ocean. Today I set my computer up on one of the tables and worked while Mark and the kids swam and played in the sand on the beach. Those are the times that I totally dig living in Hawaii and think to myself, "yeah. I can do this."

Dairy-Free, Soy-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies

I tried this recipe for the first time today. I've had trouble finding butter alternatives that were milk and soy free, so I could bake goodies Reef could eat. We all liked the results of this recipe. I found it on the Soy Dream box. You can also find it at www.TasteTheDream.com.


Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup whole wheat flour (I used 1/2 c and added 1 c left-over oatmeal cooked in vanilla rice milk, so I didn't add rice milk to this recipe)
1 cup white flour
¾ c chocolate chips or carob (I used allergen-free chocolate chips from health food store-you could also chop up a 72% or higher chocolate bar. Above 72 %, they use very little to no milk products in the chocolate.)
½ canola oil
½ c walnuts or pecans
¾ c maple syrup (Didn't have so used 1/4 to 1/2 cup natural log cabin syrup and some brown sugar and white sugar to taste)
1 tsp vanilla (I used 11/2)
½ c rice milk
1 tbs baking powder (be sure to mix this in with your flour well, so you don't hit clumps of bp
1tsp salt (my addition)

mix together (dry ingredients first). Preheat oven to 350. Drop spoonfuls onto lightly oiled cookie sheet. Bake 10-20 minutes until edges begin to brown. Makes 12 large or 3 dozen small cookies

Food Allergies

Reef hasn't "officially" been diagnosed with a milk and soy allergy by a medical professional, but the evidence is pretty clear. If I had waited for the medical professionals to suggest food allergies as one of the potential causes for the irritability, whining, screaming in the middle of the night, runny noses red eyes, and mushy to runny stools, we all would have been out of our minds in misery and frustration. I paid close to a hundred bucks (I like many others in this country don't have insurance.) to be told that his green, horribly foul smelling, unformed stools were nothing to worry about and it could be anything. By all means investigate lactose intolerance, but it could be months before you can tell, they said. I had already taken lactose out of Reef's diet for 3 days with no results. If I had listened to the medical professional rather than my own intuition, I would still be pouring the evil allergens down my sweet baby boy's throat only to see him become sicker and sicker.

Luckily, I wasn't convinced and I happened to mention it to a friend. She said the symptoms sounded similar to what her son experienced when he was close to a year old. Their pediatrician said milk allergy was a possibility. As soon as they eliminated milk from his diet, they saw positive changes. Since the symptoms weren't completely eradicated, they also removed soy. Milk and soy allergies tend to go hand in hand. Wallah. Just from eliminating certain ingredients from his diet, they had a happy healthy boy. I decided to give it a try. Why not? It would be cheaper than taking him back to the doctor and handing over our hard earned dollars for nothing.

Within 6 hours of milk elimination, Reef was a happier kid. His pink eye went away in 24 hours and he was a 2-year-old dynamo again. Why should it take months to figure out if a kid has a food allergy? It shouldn't and it doesn't. Doctors, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and other medical professionals food allergies are real. Keep your eyes open for them. The intensity of the reaction and types of symptoms vary.

  It's been about a month, and we're still figuring out what he can and cannot eat, and he is pretty good at getting into what he can't have if we're not watching closely; but, he has gained back some of the weight he lost, he's full of energy, and he's not waking up in the middle of the night screaming in pain as often.  Most of his poops are normal solid stools. Hooray!

Feeding a kid with food allergies is easiest when you keep it simple. Feed them what they are not allergic to and stay away from processed, packaged foods and restaurant foods as much as possible. Personally, I think the fake cheese tastes awful and Reef didn't react well to it. The fake so-called healthy butters all have some variant of soy and many of the margarines have either soy, milk proteins, or hydrogenated oils. Why can't they make dairy-free stuff that is also soy-free, especially since most kids with milk allergies are also allergic to soy?! Read labels carefully. I bought almond cheese thinking it was all almonds. I bought the expensive stuff that tasted like chewy cardboard and then realized that the last ingredient casein was a milk protein. Why did they even bother!

When you are at a restaurant be sure to ask what kinds of oils they are cooking with and what do they add to what you are ordering. I ordered my son an egg and hashbrowns, thinking they would be cooked in oil like I use at home. Nope. They stir butter into the hashbrowns for added flavor and all kinds of milk proteins have been cooked into that griddle top. An hour later, Reef had diarrhea and that night he woke up crying. What's the lesson here? Ask the right questions, and, even better, don't trust anyone but yourself. Take the time to plan ahead and prepare some yummy allergen-free snacks for your kiddo. You'll save money and have a happier kid which equals happier parents.