The Whales

I am watching the Humpback whales again. Wishing I could feel their ecstasy, thinking that if I jump into the water with a great splash over and over again, I might find my joy.

I watch the humpbacks leap out of the ocean, rushing forward and upward, reaching to the sky as if the clouds might be another ocean, as if they want to experience the world above the sea to feel the rush of something new and see them twisting, turning, and slamming the full weight of their immense bodies back into the sea, creating a splash that can be seen from miles away. I wonder how does it feel when they surface? Does the air wash over their skin, tickling and awakening their senses? Do they long to break through the boundaries and limitations of the marine world? Do they even have a concept of boundaries? It seems that somehow they must because push to cross those boundaries, leaping higher and higher or beaching themselves on the sand.

How beautiful and graceful is the dark arc of their bodies as they surface and submerge, so slow and fluid is the motion of their tail and flukes disappearing beneath the waves. I am reminded of yoga and reminded and surprised at how little I really know. I have watched them since January but have done almost no research. How tired I have felt. My heart often aches and I sob without knowing why.

I have seen four this afternoon as I explore the trails at the end of Old Coastguard Road. I believe the Hawaiian waters are the training grounds for baby humpback whales during the winter season. It seems they are always in pairs of mother and baby. Hawaii is a place for mothers and babies. The female spirit and the power of the earth mother is strong here. The island itself is in a constant state of birth. The goddess Pele shakes and bellows sending earthquake tremors and lava flows. Hawaiian women are strong and nurturing.

I realize I need to find joy again. It feels as if there is a lid on my emotions. I feel that I have lost my self.

Each time that I have watched the whales many times since I wrote this journal entry, and I have felt their power and have questioned my place in their world, our world. I thank them for showing me there is joy in just being alive, in embracing life as we cross boundaries, as we surge forward into the unknown without judgement, without fear, as we teach our own babies to embrace life in this way, with joy.