Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Monday, February 16, 2015
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Whales
I am watching the Humpback whales again. Wishing I could feel their ecstasy, thinking that if I jump into the water with a great splash over and over again, I might find my joy.
I watch the humpbacks leap out of the ocean, rushing forward and upward, reaching to the sky as if the clouds might be another ocean, as if they want to experience the world above the sea to feel the rush of something new and see them twisting, turning, and slamming the full weight of their immense bodies back into the sea, creating a splash that can be seen from miles away. I wonder how does it feel when they surface? Does the air wash over their skin, tickling and awakening their senses? Do they long to break through the boundaries and limitations of the marine world? Do they even have a concept of boundaries? It seems that somehow they must because push to cross those boundaries, leaping higher and higher or beaching themselves on the sand.
How beautiful and graceful is the dark arc of their bodies as they surface and submerge, so slow and fluid is the motion of their tail and flukes disappearing beneath the waves. I am reminded of yoga and reminded and surprised at how little I really know. I have watched them since January but have done almost no research. How tired I have felt. My heart often aches and I sob without knowing why.
I have seen four this afternoon as I explore the trails at the end of Old Coastguard Road. I believe the Hawaiian waters are the training grounds for baby humpback whales during the winter season. It seems they are always in pairs of mother and baby. Hawaii is a place for mothers and babies. The female spirit and the power of the earth mother is strong here. The island itself is in a constant state of birth. The goddess Pele shakes and bellows sending earthquake tremors and lava flows. Hawaiian women are strong and nurturing.
I realize I need to find joy again. It feels as if there is a lid on my emotions. I feel that I have lost my self.
Each time that I have watched the whales many times since I wrote this journal entry, and I have felt their power and have questioned my place in their world, our world. I thank them for showing me there is joy in just being alive, in embracing life as we cross boundaries, as we surge forward into the unknown without judgement, without fear, as we teach our own babies to embrace life in this way, with joy.
I watch the humpbacks leap out of the ocean, rushing forward and upward, reaching to the sky as if the clouds might be another ocean, as if they want to experience the world above the sea to feel the rush of something new and see them twisting, turning, and slamming the full weight of their immense bodies back into the sea, creating a splash that can be seen from miles away. I wonder how does it feel when they surface? Does the air wash over their skin, tickling and awakening their senses? Do they long to break through the boundaries and limitations of the marine world? Do they even have a concept of boundaries? It seems that somehow they must because push to cross those boundaries, leaping higher and higher or beaching themselves on the sand.
How beautiful and graceful is the dark arc of their bodies as they surface and submerge, so slow and fluid is the motion of their tail and flukes disappearing beneath the waves. I am reminded of yoga and reminded and surprised at how little I really know. I have watched them since January but have done almost no research. How tired I have felt. My heart often aches and I sob without knowing why.
I have seen four this afternoon as I explore the trails at the end of Old Coastguard Road. I believe the Hawaiian waters are the training grounds for baby humpback whales during the winter season. It seems they are always in pairs of mother and baby. Hawaii is a place for mothers and babies. The female spirit and the power of the earth mother is strong here. The island itself is in a constant state of birth. The goddess Pele shakes and bellows sending earthquake tremors and lava flows. Hawaiian women are strong and nurturing.
I realize I need to find joy again. It feels as if there is a lid on my emotions. I feel that I have lost my self.
Each time that I have watched the whales many times since I wrote this journal entry, and I have felt their power and have questioned my place in their world, our world. I thank them for showing me there is joy in just being alive, in embracing life as we cross boundaries, as we surge forward into the unknown without judgement, without fear, as we teach our own babies to embrace life in this way, with joy.
Enlightenment
I've realized the first step in a makeover of the self is embracing the power of love and joy. I have felt so lost on this journey. Much of the time I have spent on the Big Island of Hawaii has been spent in depression or illness or a state of limbo-malaise. It made no sense to me. Here I am in this beautiful place full of opportunities for adventure and joy and yet I felt as if I couldn't move or breathe. The breathing part was actually kind of literal because I am very sensitive and allergic to the Vog (volcanic smog). When levels are low and unnoticeable for everyone else, I'm sucking on Albuterol and rubbing my back where the muscles have tensed up sending shooting pain into my body.
After several months of feeling as if I have been sucked into a void, the purpose of my journey has been revealed to me. Each new encounter that I have had on the island kept reinforcing the concept of spiritual journey, spiritual enlightenment.
Our first encounter was with a large Hawaiian/Haole family that pushed me to take a look at our own family dynamics as well as the power of indigenous pride. Our second encounter brought us into Sankirton Das's world of Bhakti Yoga, the divine worship of Krsna, and organic farming. At Punalu'u Black Sand beach, one of my favorite beaches because of the shining ebony sand and basking sea turtles, I met a woman named Maile who later witnessed to me about her experiences as a new Christian and Seventh Day Adventist. In my fourth encounter I came face to face with the ugly side of ambition under the guise of environmental morality as well as the beauty of acupuncture and activism motivated by selfless love of the earth. In their ecstasy the magnificent humpback whales became my fifth encounter on the spiritual path when we first camped at Mahukona beach park before moving into a rental in Hawi. Once in Hawi, I signed up for yoga classes which, though not new to me, continue to bring me closer to spiritual and self awareness. In one of the poorest and wildest regions as well as my favorite region of the island, Ka'u, I met Sandra from Uganda. She is number seven and brought me into the clearest realization of my spirit. This week I have experienced my eighth encounter, or eighth step on the road to enlightenment: my daughters preschool teacher offered me divine light to help ease my troubles. I had no idea what it was, but I thought, "Why not. What could it hurt."
Each of these encounters is a story in and of itself. I could start at number one, but I think I will begin with the whales since they taught me about joy. After that I will return to the beginning of my journey, and post some of my journal entries. This journey actually started before I left Alpine, Texas. Journeys of the heart and soul can begin anywhere and often begin before we are aware we have set forth.
After several months of feeling as if I have been sucked into a void, the purpose of my journey has been revealed to me. Each new encounter that I have had on the island kept reinforcing the concept of spiritual journey, spiritual enlightenment.
Our first encounter was with a large Hawaiian/Haole family that pushed me to take a look at our own family dynamics as well as the power of indigenous pride. Our second encounter brought us into Sankirton Das's world of Bhakti Yoga, the divine worship of Krsna, and organic farming. At Punalu'u Black Sand beach, one of my favorite beaches because of the shining ebony sand and basking sea turtles, I met a woman named Maile who later witnessed to me about her experiences as a new Christian and Seventh Day Adventist. In my fourth encounter I came face to face with the ugly side of ambition under the guise of environmental morality as well as the beauty of acupuncture and activism motivated by selfless love of the earth. In their ecstasy the magnificent humpback whales became my fifth encounter on the spiritual path when we first camped at Mahukona beach park before moving into a rental in Hawi. Once in Hawi, I signed up for yoga classes which, though not new to me, continue to bring me closer to spiritual and self awareness. In one of the poorest and wildest regions as well as my favorite region of the island, Ka'u, I met Sandra from Uganda. She is number seven and brought me into the clearest realization of my spirit. This week I have experienced my eighth encounter, or eighth step on the road to enlightenment: my daughters preschool teacher offered me divine light to help ease my troubles. I had no idea what it was, but I thought, "Why not. What could it hurt."
Each of these encounters is a story in and of itself. I could start at number one, but I think I will begin with the whales since they taught me about joy. After that I will return to the beginning of my journey, and post some of my journal entries. This journey actually started before I left Alpine, Texas. Journeys of the heart and soul can begin anywhere and often begin before we are aware we have set forth.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Craig's List
We're coming to the end of our first month here in windy Waimea. My allergies and asthma have been relentless. Mark and I have been operating on a new system that in a lot ways I really like. Mark is now doing daddy-daycare. I do my work for the Waimea Ocean Film Festival. Some days that means making cold calls to large corporations trying to sell them on the idea of sponsoring our festival. Sometimes I feel like I am shouting from the top of a mountain peak with my voice rushing away on the wind, sometimes echoing back to me. I was "hired" to write and layout a program guide for the festival, but this is a small operation in its first official year so I do lots of things. This week is supposed to be about writing again. Maybe writing this blog piece will get me in the flow. Maybe I am just procrastinating.
Craig's List got us over here to the Big Island. For some reason, Mark hinged the flip of the coin on an email friendship he'd developed with a family on the Big Island. He had answered a Craig's List advertisement for a handyman in the hope of finding a work for rent situation. The funny thing is a month later we have ended up in a work for rent situation that came out of Craig's List, but it's me that's working. To be continued . . . .
Craig's List got us over here to the Big Island. For some reason, Mark hinged the flip of the coin on an email friendship he'd developed with a family on the Big Island. He had answered a Craig's List advertisement for a handyman in the hope of finding a work for rent situation. The funny thing is a month later we have ended up in a work for rent situation that came out of Craig's List, but it's me that's working. To be continued . . . .
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Lost in the Woods: A New Journey
What is living on the Big Island?
It's the goosebumps I feel when I hear a popping noise, see a glow, and all the lights in the town go out. It's the bright orange hibiscus flower my daughter dropped in a tall glass. It's the confusion of thinking that my teenage son was rattling windows and slamming doors with his youthful energy and frustration and finding out it was a 4.7 level earthquake. It's knowing that paradise is really a bubbling, volcanic cauldron joining hands with the ring of fire, and that I am living on top of it. It's walking in the bright sunshine and being amazed that the temperature is absolutely perfect.
It's the goosebumps I feel when I hear a popping noise, see a glow, and all the lights in the town go out. It's the bright orange hibiscus flower my daughter dropped in a tall glass. It's the confusion of thinking that my teenage son was rattling windows and slamming doors with his youthful energy and frustration and finding out it was a 4.7 level earthquake. It's knowing that paradise is really a bubbling, volcanic cauldron joining hands with the ring of fire, and that I am living on top of it. It's walking in the bright sunshine and being amazed that the temperature is absolutely perfect.
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